


Unsolved Coffee Crimes

by NightWinds



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: (wheeze), Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Coffee Puns, Fluff, M/M, another coffee shop AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 00:16:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14123976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightWinds/pseuds/NightWinds
Summary: Ryan works at Unsolved Coffee Crimes, a café that specializes in not only coffee, but also crime solving!





	Unsolved Coffee Crimes

As the bell above the door rang, Ryan didn’t give it a second thought as he strode up to the register, ready to put on his customer-greeting smile.

“Hello, my name is Ryan and welcome to Unsolved Coffee Crimes where a mysterious journey awaits you if you choose to partake.” Ryan could tell just from the sound of his voice that it was strained, but he hoped his smile looked real enough.

The tall man – he was very tall, like _wow_ Ryan’s never had to crank his neck that far up - stepped up to the counter with an almost angry look on his face. Instead of starting a conversation like any normal human being would, the Sasquatch decided to bend down and lean his forearms on the counter. “Heard there daily crimes to solve, is that true?”

Ryan’s smile didn’t falter. “Yes, though you must buy a coffee first, then I’ll explain the crime to you.”

The man scowled. He looked over the menu and, after a minute, found an acceptable drink. “I’ll take a medium long black coffee.”

The barista was slightly surprised; it most likely showed on his face due to the customer smirking at him. No one usually ordered the drink cousin to the Americano. It wasn’t a big fan with the college kids that usually strolled through here.

Ryan just shrugged and gave the customer a glare in retaliation to his smirk. “That’ll be $4.48 and what name do you want written on the cup.”

“Shane,” the tall man – most likely named Shane - said while reaching behind him to presumably grab his wallet. He threw a five-dollar bill on the counter and said, “Keep the change,” like 52 cents was a big deal.

“Wow thanks,” Ryan paused while he turned around to start making the drink. “If you’ll join me at the other counter I’ll give you the run down of the crime for today.”

Ryan added the hot water and the espresso shots to Shane’s cup and added a clue to the crime. It was a drawing of a simple stereotypical ghost.

With the coffee finished and a cap placed on the top, Ryan grinned at another perfectly done coffee. He heard the impatient tapping of the customer’s fingers and immediately his good mood was diminished. 

Ryan placed the coffee on the small marble counter with a flourished spin. “Today, you will be exploring the world of the talking coffee beans where-“ Ryan was cut off when Shane ignorantly butted in.

“I'm sorry what the fuck did you just say? The coffee beans talk? Ryan, who came up with this garbage?”

“I did, I came up with this ‘garbage’” Ryan deadpanned. “And I’ll have you know, talking coffee beans not only further the plot, but also there wouldn’t be a coffee-related story without them.”

Shane’s mouth hung open and he looked as though what Ryan was telling him was beyond absurd.

“Anyway, I’m going to continue. One of the local bean farmers claim to be missing crops when he knows he didn’t touch them. You’re job is to find out who, or _what_ , stole Old Man Ben the Bean’s crops. I’ve given you a hint on your coffee cup and the answer is somewhere on one of the evidence walls,” Ryan pointed to the three walls, not including the wall where the counter was set-up against, that were each covered in photographs and red string connecting thumbtacks that seemed to have no correlation.

Shane looked down at his cup, spotting the little ghost and shooting a fleeting glance to the barista. “Let me guess, it’s a ghost?”

Ryan just shrugged and mimicked a ‘my lips are sealed’ motion. He watched as Shane walked over to the evidence wall on the far right and stood for a minute, before pulling over a chair from a nearby table and sitting down. 

The barista sat back on a stool behind the counter and scrolled through his phone, waiting for a customer to save him from his impending boredom.

Finally, as the place started to liven up around lunchtime and Ryan’s apron was covered in one of the previous customer’s coffee that he had accidentally spilt, he once again found himself looking up at the walking embodiment of the Empire State Building – the building and Shane seemed to be the same height – as Shane was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“You solve it?” Ryan asked, a smile on his face purely at how happy Shane looked. 

“It was Gary the Gardener’s, dead dog! The neighbor!” Shane exclaimed, alerting most of the people who were still trying to solve the case.

There was a collective sigh that swept around the room as the case came to an abrupt end as the answer was accidentally given to everyone in the room and a loud, “Way to go asshole,” was directed at Shane.

“Dude! Don’t shout out the answer,” Ryan wheezed. He tried to stop his laughter from escaping his lips, but he was unable to hold it in. His voice shook with laughter as he called out to the crime solvers, also known as the ‘Frappbooccinos’ that they could order another drink or pastry item for half-off because they weren’t able to solve the crime by themselves, thanks to _someone_ blurting out the answer.

“Wow half-off,” Shane whistled.

“Since you got the answer right, you can pick out any small-sized drink and get it for free.”

Shane, surprisingly, once again leaned his forearms on the counter and winked at Ryan. “What’s your favorite drink?”

“Iced mocha with two ice cubes instead of the usual five,” Ryan stated simply, not knowing where Shane was so obviously headed. 

“Then I’ll take that please.”

Ryan got busy with Shane’s free drink, adding the two ice cubes and then pouring the drink mixture over the top. “Here,” he said not two minutes later.

Shane looked at it and shook his head. “No, that’s for you. I think a ‘thank you Shane Madej, you are my knight in shinning armor’ is in order.”

Ryan looked at him blankly. “What?” The only person who has ever ordered a drink for Ryan was a creepy old dude who definitely wanted to take Ryan home. Now that he thinks about it, Shane does look old, well, at least other than himself. “Ah, thank you?” he said but it sounded more like a question.

Shane bowed, which Ryan had to admit was kind of cute for such a strange man. “I bid you farewell, Prince Ryan of the Coffee Beans.”

Ryan wheezed again as Shane made him fall into a fit of laughter for the second time in the past hour. “Please, don’t ever call me that again. It’s Ryan Bergara.”

“As you wish, Prince Ryan Bergara of the Coffee Beans.”

“Oh my god, get out of here Shane, you’re drawing a crowd.”

Shane stood up straight again and did a soldier’s march out of the café’s doors.

Ryan’s smile wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he tried to shake his head.

 

The very next morning at exactly 10 o’clock, Shane came bounding through the door again. Ryan was just finishing up with a sweet old lady’s caramel apple tea, when he heard Shane’s voice as he talked to the customer in front of him. The poor mother held her child closer to her legs when he loomed over them.

He talked animatedly, Ryan noticed, waggling his long arms to make the child giggle. He also noticed when Shane’s laugh echoed through the mostly-quiet room. It was a nice sound, the barista had to admit.

The mother approached the counter as Ryan was handing the old lady a cap and pointed her to where she could put sugar in her drink. Olivia, the mother introduced herself as, ordered a drink and one for her daughter, though the daughter now clung to Shane’s pants.

Olivia stepped aside and kept a watchful eye on the little girl once she paid for their order. The girl made grabby hands at Shane and so he lifted her up and cradled her in his arms. She soon shook her head and whispered something to him, and he immediately adjusted his hold on her to put her on his shoulders. Ryan was thankful that the café had high ceilings.

“The usual,” Shane threw down six dollars this time. “Keep the change, my Prince.”

Ryan was about to reply with a snarky comment about the fact that Shane had only been here once before and he already called his drink ‘the usual’, though the girl on Shane’s shoulders gasped loudly.

“You’re a prince?” she asked, sounding in awe.

“Yes, he’s the Prince of the Coffee Beans!” Shane beamed.

The little girl had the biggest smile on her face even when Ryan went to go make Shane’s drink.

“Me and Daisy, this little Queen right here, are going to solve the mystery together today,” Shane informed Ryan while the barista drew an ‘x’ on the cup, identical to the one on everyone’s cup for the daily clue

“Listen closely Frappbooccinos, for I am going to tell you the tale of the superhero known as The Bean Boy,” Ryan heard Shane snicker, “Who found more than he bargained for when he found a coin in a bottle floating at the shoreline. Now today, the crime has two-parts. First, you have to find out who left the bottle, and then you have to figure out why. You have two hours, good luck,” Ryan said in a mysterious tone.

Shane spluttered, “Shit, this is timed? Yesterday it wasn’t!”

“It was a Monday, people tend to be slow on Mondays. Hurry up, clock’s ticking.” Ryan grinned when Daisy scouted the area and pointed to the evidence wall that had the least amount of people surrounding it.

Off they went while Ryan was stuck cleaning the already-spotless countertop.

 

With only 8 minutes left on their timer, Daisy came running up to the counter. “It was Pirate Mochar!” she excitedly whispered.

“You are correct, but why did he leave the bottle?” Ryan asked, waiting for the second part to the crime.

Daisy’s face went blank. “Wait here!” she suddenly shouted and ran back to Shane. Ryan watched him hold his head and sink to her level the only word he could pick up was ‘forgot’ and Ryan wheezed at the look of distraught on Shane’s face. 

The two detectives split up, going to different evidence boards to be able to cover more ground. Ryan’s eyes didn’t leave their timer as it counted down ominously.

The barista’s eyes were torn away from the clock that now read ’13 seconds’ as Shane’s long legs carried him to the counter in three strides. Ryan gulped and watched with an odd feeling of fascination at Shane’s legs.

“Stop the timer, we have the answer.” Daisy’s much smaller legs walked as fast as they could to reach Shane’s side. “Pirate Mochar had heard rumors that that one specific piece of gold was haunted – which is stupid because ghosts obviously aren’t real – so he wanted to contain the evil in a bottle and get it as far away from himself as he could.”

“Yes, that is mostly correct, but wait a minute. You don’t believe in ghosts? Why not, they’re real, there’s proof.”

“There’s proof of things called ‘wind’ and ‘gravity’ not about the paranormal,” Shane let out a long breath.

“Alright Shane the Skeptic, what free drink do you and Daisy want.”

They came to a conclusion after a bit of whispering. “Daisy will have a banana smoothie and I will have an iced mocha with only two ice cubes, please.” Shane let Daisy go back to her mother as he lingered at the counter. “Oh! I almost forgot, can you write on the cup ‘Will you go out with me?’. I’m planning on giving it to this cute guy I’ve only known for like 48 hours but I plan to get to know him a lot more _thoroughly_.” Shane’s voice was tinted with embarrassment, which the barista could barely notice in his shock.

Ryan dropped a cup on the ground.

Luckily it was empty, but Ryan wouldn’t have noticed either way. “Ah sure,” he squeaked.

Ryan, ever the cool guy, slipped on a piece of ice on the ground as he set Daisy’s drink on the counter. He thought no one noticed, but of course Shane’s eyes followed Ryan’s every move like a transfixed hawk. 

Shane wheezed as he laughed, “You need help back there buddy?”

Just the thought of Shane possibly wrapping his arms around him to help make sure Ryan doesn’t fall, already had his head spinning. “No!” he shouted, wincing at the volume of his voice.

Shane chuckled and leaned against the counter for support, “Are you sure, you look a little wobbly?”

“Yes, I am fine thank you,” Ryan said in one breath. His hands shook in anticipation as he finally finished the iced mocha and handed it back to Shane.

Shane smiled, “Thank you! Wish me luck!” Shane turned and walked up to one of the college guys that was currently sitting alone. Ryan’s stomach dropped. _Oh, that’s who he wanted to ask out_. Ryan sighed and watched as Shane spun around with the most shit-eating grin Ryan had ever seen.

Shane braced his hips against the counter and leaned into Ryan’s personal space. “I had you tricked, didn’t I?”

“Huh?” Ryan looked back at the college guy, to find him lost in his phone once again. 

“Ry, I was clearing talking about you earlier. You are the cute guy I wanted to date. This is literally your favorite drink. You seriously didn’t know?”

“But the guy…?”

“I thought you were smarter than this, Ryan,” Shane shook his head, his grin turning into a fond smile. “Will you, Prince Ryan of the Coffee Beans, please be my boyfriend?”

“Ah, okay, sure,” Ryan stuttered.

“Well, that’s a big confidence booster,” Shane laughed self-depreciatingly.

“What! No, of course I’ll go out with you! You’re-“ Ryan gestured to Shane’s long body, swallowing nervously. “Great, really good-looking, and very … long,” Ryan babbled.

“Long?” Shane wheezed. “Thank you. Trust me, I’m long _everywhere_ , if you catch my drift.”

“Oh god!” Ryan’s face had to be the color of a tomato by now.

Shane grasped Ryan’s shoulder to steady himself. “I’m sorry, I had to. It was the perfect opportunity.” He took a second to catch his breath. “Now I’m serious, I want to fucking bring you places and buy you nice things and update my Instagram everyday with pictures of you so soon everyone is sick of seeing your beautiful face but me. Please, Ryan Bergara, date me.”

“Yes, I’ll date you, you fucking Sasquatch,” Ryan smiled. A small crowd had formed that neither of the boys had noticed, they only realized they were there when clapping suddenly erupted around them

Shane reached across the counter and embraced Ryan. Ryan was stunned for only a brief second before he wrapped his arms around Shane in a hug. The counter dug into both of their hips, though neither of them cared.

“I’d kiss you, but I want to date you the right way. Have a romantic first date then kiss you on your doorstep after I drive you home,” Shane whispered into Ryan’s ear.

“I don’t care, shut up and kiss me already.”


End file.
